Ramblings of She Who Is in Possession of a Self-Diagnosed High-Functioning ASD

Yesterday was a really rough day with the kid, which threw my plans for day domination down the toilet. He's been volatile after two weeks with no school (i.e., no well-defined daily structure), and I think he may be going through some developmental shifts. That means shitty sleep, constant rages, lots of screaming, etc. Talked to my sister on the phone, who also happens to have a PhD in children on the autism spectrum. I don't tap into her resources too often because I don't want to impose. But she wants to help, so I've resolved, this year, to ask for more help. I'm lucky to have her. Today was better -- largely because he was in school. Time to breathe. Time to think. Time to sleep. Also, time to take down the Christmas tree and put the ornaments away. It was a good tree. I salute it. One of the things my sister recommended during our call was a weighted blanket to help with the sleep stuff. Just so happens my husband's best friend sent our kid a weight...

I'm anxious and tired. My brain is a fog of to-dos and want-to-dos and seeming can't-dos. All of this mingles like the sludge in a running shower drain, and nothing is clear. Money is a constant concern, as it has always been. Time seems shorter every day. The world is fighting and destroying and burning and drowning. My son has what used to be called Asperger's Syndrome, and two-thirds of the time I am working ten times harder than the average parent to help him navigate the world safely and sanely. It's been an incredibly difficult month, one in which things have come to a head in ways that come as close to complete self-destruction as they ever have. I can't control my visible emotional reactions to things I experience. I can't contain anger or anxiety or panic. I'm finding myself being submerged in an ocean of demands, all of which require 100% focus and attention to detail, and all at once. After a lot of time spent researching my kid's issues a...